DCHL Newsstand

Anaheim- A rookie GM with Jason Allison and Chris Pronger in his pocket, weak on the wingers, defense looks decent. Question is will this rookie gm pull the trigger on the right guys to turn the team around.
Atlanta- Looks to be a solid team all around. Joe Thornton, Marc Savard, and Gigure in Net with plenty of wingers to compliment them and good D for Gigure. Could this be Snypers year?
Boston- Offense and Defense is a little shabby, comes down to Roberto " One Man Army" Luongo in net to carry this team. Dont be surprised to see Luongo in an islander jersey before the allstar break.
Buffalo- This sophomore gm has a well rounded team, defiantly a contender in the east. Forsberg and Selanne, a good looking defense, Ryan Miller in Net. Expect this team to be in the playoffs and chase the cup.
Calgary- Bobs Defending Champs, defiantly the west powerhouse team and team to beat this year. Solid all around, will bob make big moves or keep his squad the way it is? Bob should make the playoffs with ease, depending on injuries could make another cup chase.
Carolina- Mr Trigger happy has a good squad lined up, no depth. Lecavilier, st louis, and the Bulin wall to name a few. Signed Kubina over the offseason. Knowing Pudge those stars can be sent packing in a new york minute. Possible playoff berth.
Chicago- Rookie Gm with a subpar team, the hawks are the new troubled dchl franchise.
Colorado- Not what they used to be, Comes down to the GM for this team. Lacking on D and solid in net. Offense could be spruced up.
Columbus- May want to trade some centers for wingers, Turco in net and Kaberle heading the Defense, would have a been a good challenge for Will. Playoffs doubtful.
Detroit- Not a bad looking team, but not the powerhouse. Will need more then Chara on D to stop Bob. Eric Staal and Ryan Smyth may light the lamp a few times. With the right moves this team can make the playoffs.
Edmonton- Since Crowe has been released from the looney bin bukkake incidents have tripled all over the country. Dc has an order of protection against crowe and his cronnies, crowe cannot enter madison square garden or will be shot on site. Any and all facial laceration injuries or possible bukkake incidents will be forwarded to the desk of Dc the Asst Commish for review and disciplinary proceedings. As far as the oil stains go, they could make a playoff appearance.
Florida- Rookie Gm with a decent team. Sundin, Vokoun, lacking on D, playoffs are doubtful tho.
Kings- Chris has a well rounded team, Marleau the big name along with kovalev and Nabokov in net. A playoff contender in the west, a few moves wouldn't hurt.
Minnesota- Eric will have to make a few moves just to make 10th place in the east. Samsonov is old and wants a chance at the cup, send him to broadway. New jersey is a big landfill and richter is better then broduer.
Montreal- Dont expect the Habs to go anywhere this season especially with a GM who's a no show.
Nashville- Strong down the center, will Kovalchuk carry this team to Lord Stanley? doubt it with their goaltender. Possible playoff berth.
New Jersey- Ray always manages to put together a good squad, decent team, looks like broduer will have to do most of the work tho. Playoff contender.
Islanders- Ah yes the fishsticks. Sean didn't show up and they made the playoffs. Rumor has it an offer has been made for his fav commie and dont be surprised if he goes for who else? luongo, doubt he needs him with dipietro. Solid on D headed by Newly Acquired Lidstrom, look to see the isles in the playoffs.
Rangers- Good team all around, Jagr, Prucha, Tucker, Drury, Lundquist. The question will be health this season and lundquists performance. Gonchar leading the D, playoff contender.
Ottawa- The top contender in the east with an allstar line up, a great gm. Defiantly a cup contender to say the least.
Philadelphia- Decent team, good offense and defense, goaltending is questionable, playoff contender.
Pheonix- Modano, Elias and Legace oh my! decent team, could use a few moves, who knows could make the playoffs.
Pittsburgh- Defiantly a contender in the east, Crosby, kariya, zubov. Solid team all around. Will make the playoffs.
San Jose- Sakic, Rolston, and Hossa make a nice line. Well rounded team with a good tender, a contender in the west. what does nate have in store for the sharkies?
St louis- A rookie Gm with Jokinen and Iginla as trade bait, he will get raped. Playoffs doubtful.
Tampa Bay- Will has a new team and a good squad. will he send feds to long island or break seans heart? good team all around, should make the playoffs.
Toronto- Will Joe show up this season? Malkin, Ovechkin and Gaborik not too shabby. Defense and goaltending not bad. playoffs? why not
Canucks- Well balanced team, Sedin twins still blow eachother after practice. Lacking on D and goaltending. Playoffs will be tough to make.
Washington- Rookie GM with a shit shop for a team, thought the hawks were bad?

Will Catches up With the Champs by King Willy53
February 14, 2008
Now lets face it not everyone can win the cup, In fact some of you will never get past the first round of the playoffs. But that is okay, I going to do something nice for you pretenders who want to rub elbows with the former champions of DCHL. Now we all know that not all of the former champs can be with us because of one reason or another. Like Dr. Pimp who disappeared after winning with the Blues and known for having the squirts on a daily basis, Puddy4lyf, who nobody cared for, and Zormy007 who is still picking grass out of his teeth from his one and only football practice back in 2002.
There is also a few GMs that I did not interview because you guys would be like “Will what the hell is this boring shit” so I decided to bar the following guys for that reason. We all know that Guard is a great GM and is a fucking legend but he is never around and he lacks personality so he would be a waste to interview. Chris (The Kings GM) is another former champion but he is boring because he gives yes and no answers, and truth be told I don’t think he can think for himself anymore.
Now to the good stuff, I had a chance to interview Dan, Bob, Sean, and throw in my two cents. The first of many questions was: How has your life changed since becoming a champion in DCHL? “Lots more pressure. I feel like there is always going to be a target on my back because I've been to the top of the mountain. Pressure from the fans, as well, since we've been champs, they think we can do it again.” Said Dan our Commissioner and season VI champ. Our Drunken cross-dressing Champion Bob said “In many different ways. I used to not be able to get in certain nightclubs. Now I'm rushed to the front of the line. I only banged two women before I won the cup and they weighed a combined 440 pounds. Now I'm getting laid by a supermodel every time I change a pair of pants (bullshit! ~Will). I get to drink much finer beer as well.” He also still has time to fight with his arch rival “the fence” which is actually a fence.
Little do you nobodies know, after winning a championship a lot happens to you. Personally I was stalked for a few years by many different GMs especially because DCHL was on hiatus, hell up until last season someone from Nevada was sending me death threats in the mail couRAYgh….Our current champion received a letter that was filled with bukkake, but no return address…Dan had it the easiest out of all of us…”I just had to deal with DC saying "rigged" a whole lot. Nothing unusual. I let my secretaries handle the death threats and mail bombs. Come to think of it, I went through a lot of secretaries that year.” Sean was not around for a comment but since he won it all his league SHL folded, one of his favorite commies Yashin went back to Russia, and he has be chained up in DC’s basement living off of old can goods from the 1980s. Now for a quick rundown, all people involved agree in this article agree upon the following; That Sam is the reason for all facial injuries in DCHL, Sean is one of the most intimidating GMs in the leagues because he somehow always makes the playoffs (Even though we all know that Matt the ATL GM fears me), Guard has the best chance to be the first two time champion in DCHL, and we all agree that Tampa Bay, Ottawa, and Calgary will win their respected divisions.
Normally this is where I wrap the article up and insult a few people while doing so, but I want to let you guys know that we seriously miss our friend Sean Beasley (Isles GM), we heard your sick and we know shit ain’t always sweet but you’re a big part of the DCHL family and we miss your punk ass. Get well soon you cross dresser

~King Will

My Ipod meets DCHL by Therealdeal41185
February 14, 2008

It took ten seasons to think of this, but I’m going to do a different style of team report, combining two of my favorite things, Hockey & Music. For each team, I’m going to give a song from my IPod that refers to the team, along with an explanation. So here we go.

“Dream On” by Aerosmith
With a combination of a Rookie GM, and a mediocre team, they have no shot to win the League’s top prize.
“All Mixed Up” by 311
Matt’s formula for this season has puzzled us all. Does he know what he’s doing or is he not sure himself.
“Last Resort” by Papa Roach
Hopefully overpaying Justin Williams & Dick Tarnstrom was not Jas’s last resort to win the DCHL Cup.
“Sweating Bullets” by Megadeth
Steve improved over the offseason, but could be a little worried seeing the other teams in his conference improving so much.
“King of Kings” by Mötorhead
Right now, Bob is the King, and he’s on top of the mountain.
“Disposable Heroes” by Metallica
Pudge goes through different players as fast as Britney Spears has a meltdown.
“Through the Fire & Flames” by Dragonforce
After Jimhawk disappeared, the new GM will have to take this team through some battles through Hell to get back to the playoffs. Plus, I just had to sneak the ultimate Guitar Hero song into this lineup.
“Slow Ride” by Foghat
Shaun is doing a spectacular job since taking over a destroyed team last year, but it’s going to be a slow process until he is a legitimate contender for the Cup.
“Break on Through” by the Doors
This team is finally going to break through and make the playoffs.
“Epic” by Faith No More
It will need an Epic miracle for the Stars to win the DCHL Cup.
“Stuck in the Middle” by Steeler’s Wheel
Detroit seems stuck in neutral, right in the middle of the Western Conference pack. It’s believed he will make the playoffs but if so, it will be very close.
“Working Man” by Rush
Sam always relies on hard workers who put the team goal ahead of individual stats. This year will be no different.
“Big Balls” by AC/DC
Florida may not be the most talented team, but the Rookie GM is going gung-ho to contend for the Southeast.
“Paradise City” by Guns n’ Roses
First, Los Angeles is apparently a beautiful town. Second, The Kings should have no challenge in their division and should cruise to the Pacific title.
“Good Times, Bad Times” by Led Zeppelin
There used to be some good times for Eric. Back when he made the playoffs every year. But currently those times have been replaced by some real bad times.
“Sad but True” by Metallica
First the proud franchise of the Canadiens being run by a Leafs fan; second the most successful franchise in hockey history struggling to make the playoffs.
“I Walk Alone” by Saliva
Kovalchuk is the big weapon on a depleted Nashville squad, and he could use some extra help.
“Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi
It fits well since Bon Jovi is from Jersey. But this season Ray is living on a prayer named Martin Brodeur.
“No One Knows” by Queens of the Stone Age
No one knows where Sean is, except for DC. Is the rumor true that he is chained in DC’s basement being fed chicken soup?
“Paranoid Android” by Radiohead
DC always thinks the League is out to get him and is “Rigged”.
“Same Old Song & Dance” by Aerosmith
There’s nothing new in Ottawa. Guard still never signs on but always makes the tiniest of moves to keep his team in contention.
“Nothing Else Matters” by Metallica
Nothing else does matter for the Commissioner’s team. It’s championship or bust for this squad.
“Never Say Never” by Queens of the Stone Age
At the beginning of last year, we all thought Phoenix was going to set a record for lowest point total in a season. This season, they have a very good shot for a playoff spot, and maybe a first round upset.
“No Excuses” by Alice in Chains
If they lose early, there will be no excuses Mike can use to explain the failure.
“Wrong Way” by Sublime
After winning the President’s Trophy last year for best record, many key players slipped through the cracks and left Nate with a skeleton squad. Not the best direction for a team close to the championship last season.
“Free Fallin’” by Tom Petty
After finishing 6th last year, the Blues will have an uphill battle to stay there after losing several key players and their GM.
“Thunderstruck” by AC/DC
Going with the Thunder & Lightning theme, there will be nights that opponents of Tampa will feel Thunderstruck.
“The Pretender” by the Foo Fighters
After last years surprise entry into the Eastern Conference playoffs, the Leafs, untouched this offsesason, will not make the playoffs this season, unless changes are made.
“Closer” by Nine Inch Nails
After a wild season, which saw Captain Charlie purge his roster (and still go far in the playoffs), Chuck rebuilt the team and right now it looks strong for a deep playoff push.
“Save Me” by Shinedown
The Capitals Franchise needs a savior to turn this team around. It doesn’t help that the League is currently controlling day to day operations.

My Predictionsby BottleBoy4Life
February 12, 2008

EASTERN CONFERENCE
1 Atlanta - Last years rookie of the year kept a strong team together and made some nice pickups to fill the gaps in free agency. Has some scary line combos and probably some of the best defense pairings of any team. This team is going to do some real damage this season.
2 Ottawa - When doesn't Ottawa have a scary looking team? For a GM who is rarely online he keeps up one hell of a team. If the top line can stay healthy this year it will be a game for game race against Buffalo for the Northeast.
3 Buffalo - Last years Eastern Conference Champs hope to keep their winning ways going. Forseberg and Connolly need to keep up the scoring and will be looking to linemates Selanne and Gionta for some help.
4 New Jersey - Ray has the former starting line of the Sabres, and thats about it. Old man Broder and a controling defense won't let much into the net against them.
5 Philadelphia - Will Dan make the playoffs this year? Might be a close call but adding Shanahan to the Gagne and Briere line should make for one heck of a scoring tandum.
6 Pittsburgh - Mike made some good upgrades in the offseason and has given the pens some incredible depth. Should be a strong contender in the east this year, and any further upgrades and this team could be scary down the stretch.
7 Tampa Bay - Will took the helm and has been remodeling this team from a group of nobodys into a high chemistry team with plenty of potential. Will certainly be a contender in the eastern race.
8 Carolina - Hard to make a prediciton for pudge considering he will have traded half his team before I finish tpying my article. Hopefully Habby has a better season this year.
9 Florida - Despite his pony page, has been making some strides in putting together a decent group of players. Might not be playoff bound just yet, but should move up from the basement team of the East last season. Could be in the running for Rookie GM of the year, then again there are only three rookie GM's.
10 NY Islanders - Is it just me or do the GM's who do the least to their teams and rarely are online do the best in the standings? A big suprise team last year and will probably be a playoff contender again this season.
11 Toronto - A big gun top line can only take a sleeping GM so far. The leafs will certainly be looking for revenge against the Sabres to make up for last years embarrasing sweep in round one.
12 NY Rangers - Big names and big paychecks might look nice but it won't win you games. Hopefully the Rags can earn their money this year and pull out a playoff spot. The loss of Jagr and his "facial issues" really hurt the Rags last season.
13 Boston - Bergeron and the $8 million dman better step up to try and lead this team somewhere. Might have been last years sleeper team, but without some upgrades you can turn the light off on sleeping beauty this season.
14 Montreal - Not much of a roster to work with in a tough division. Don't see too much comming from the habs this year.
15 Washington - A lost team without a leader. Even if Ovie were to return this team would still be a contender for basement dweller in the East.

WESTERN CONFERENCE
1 Calgary - Bob is hoping for back to back cups this season. Even being hit bad in free agency didn't put much of a dent in his roster. Has another scary team put together for this season.
2 Vancouver - Luongo and the Sedin brothers look to lead a lurking powerhouse to another division championship this season. Should be a close race to the top against the Flames again.
3 Nashville - Solid team that was kept together well. Kovalchuk will be the usual threat. Really suprised this team didn't do more damage last year.
4 Edmonton - No big names but a solid team with some good defensive pairings. Might struggle a bit in probably the toughest conference in the league this season.
5 Los Angeles - Kept a good team together and hopefully the 2nd half of the season and the playoffs will work out a little better for Chris this season.
6 San Jose - The presidents winner last season, held the big guns in place but certainly has some holes needing attention.
7 Phoenix - The coyotes have been quietly building a rather solid all around team. Might be a suprise team to watch in the West this year.
8 Columbus - Not quite sure what the jackets are up to in building their team for this season but they might sneak out a suprise playoff spot.
9 Colorado - From glancing at the roster the aves might not look to impressive, but considering how they looked last season, WOW! The GM here knows what he is doing and might take last seasons basement team to a playoff spot this season.
10 Detroit - Chara will need to be playing 40 + minute games to help out a rather weak defense. Staal and Smyth will need some good production to make up for a likely high GA count for the wings.
11 Dallas - Made some great strides in rebuilding another basement dweller team. Might be a long shot at the playoffs, but could give the conference teams some trouble.
12 St. Louis - Not to sure whats going on with this team. The fallen ruins of Wills previous team might make a rumble or two but I wouldn't count on a playoff spot this season.
13 Anaheim - Has plenty of "depth" if you can call it that. Looks more like two AHL roster put together then one NHL team. Might have cleaned up well in free agency but the selections made are rather questionable.
14 Chicago - Jim has gone MIA and his roster has been chewed to shreds during free agency. Maybe that is for the better. The pieces to this team puzzle are lying on the table we just need to find a GM who can put it together. Only thing this team has going... will likely have $45-$50 million in the bank for the next free agency.
15 Minnesota - I honestly have no clue as to what Eric is doing to the Wild. Questionable trades will lead to the wild being ripped apart in their division this season.

DCHL Predictions by Therealdeal41185
February 8, 2008
DCHL.com Official Predictions by The Commish
The beginning of the season calls for our staff to make bold predictions about the upcoming year. As we saw last year, anyone can win the DCHL Cup. Now onto the Eastern Conference predictions.

Atlantic Division
Pittsburgh (2)- After barely squeaking into the playoffs last year, Mike has stacked this team with a whole bunch of first round draft picks. Relying on rookies could hurt come playoff time though. In addition, a weak defense can be exposed by a good offensive team.
Philadelphia (5)- The failure by the Commissioner’s team last season put him into a foul mood and is determined to take it out on the rest of the league. New players have been added as the Flyers look to cause some damage this year.
New Jersey (6)- Ray has been more like George Costanza than George Steinbrenner this offseason. The moves have been few and far between, however Raymundo still has #30 in goal.
NY Islanders (9)- Sean returned for the draft, then quickly disappeared back into oblivion. Sergei Fedorov was not added to the roster. Could the “Little Engine that Could” work its way up the standings like its #3 standing (points-wise) last year? Highly doubtful.
NY Rangers (11)- Ah yes, the troubled franchise we all like to pick on. DC made more news this offseason by behaving than for his acquisitions. The pressing question in DCHL is not the over/under on Rangers wins, but the over/under on how long it takes DC to have a meltdown.

Northeast Division
Buffalo (1)- Last year’s Eastern Champion had a good run as a rookie. Could there be a sophomore jinx? Probably not, Steve has built this team up to be a legit contender again.
Ottawa (4)- Guard’s year last year was hampered by injuries to star players (including Alfredsson, Meszaros & Heatley). The chemistry did not seem to be there due to the injuries but now that everyone is healthy, the Sens will battle the Sabres for the Northeast and the #1 Eastern seed.
Boston (8)- After being two games away from the DCHL Cup, Jas went out and bought two (very) high priced “stars”. There is still depth issues on this team, however, nobody saw them coming last year and could be a sleeper again this year.
Montreal (12)- Semi-Rookie GM Clayton has been learning from the “master” (Will) and trying to pick up some tricks to improve his team. However, you only learn those tricks after you fall victim to the mistakes.
Toronto (13)- Joe surprised the league last year by making the playoffs, then being promptly ousted in four games (none of which were close) by Buffalo. Joe has neglected to watch his team and decided to work on his hair even more. This leads to a bad team, but at least, Joe, you have some nice hair.

Southeast Division
Tampa (3)- Will has transformed this team from a few points shy of the playoffs to a Cup contender. His return to the Eastern Conference marks a changing of the guard in DCHL. “Will” be able to feast on a relatively weak division. However, which team will Will be running next season?
Atlanta (7)- Last year’s Rookie GM will finally find some competition in his division. After trading for all snipers, Matt will look to toughen up the team and trade for some playmakers as well. Or he can just lose in the first round again. It’s his choice.
Carolina (10)- After winning the Trigger Happy award for the second straight year with 326 trades, Pudge traded himself right out of a playoff spot. Will he follow the same blueprint, or stick with the guys he has?
Florida (14)- Florida is completely terrible. They did try to make some improvements but kept getting outbid at the last minute. At least this guy is persistent. Persistently talking trash.
Washington (15)- The worst team in DCHL. Just writing about them makes children cry.

Western Conference, Central Division
Nashville (3)- After last year’s surprising elimination in four games by the Oilers, Vic has gone AWOL. However, in a relatively weak division, and 3 seasons of experience between the other four GMs, Nashville wins the division title. And having a guy named Kovalchuk doesn’t hurt.
Columbus (6)- The Blue Jackets will finally break through and make the playoffs and clinch (against his brother the Wings) in front of 4,536 paying fans. Why? They clinch on the same day as the annual Ohio State spring football game.
Detroit (8)- The other Brother fights and claws and earns his first playoff spot, redeeming himself from last year when the Wings missed by one point. Hopefully a movie is in the works about an independent filmmaker who leads a hockey team to the playoffs. Oh, that could really happen.
St. Louis (12)- The magic only lasts one year as the Bluenotes fall back to earth with a rookie GM (another cousin of Joe & Bob) and a skeleton crew roster. Can DCHL handle another “cousin”?
Chicago (13)- JimHawk has either died or been on a four week porno binge. He has not been seen since the Hawks were ousted by San Jose last season. Here’s guessing he’s dead because even Hugh Hefner needs a break from seeing breasts.

Northwest Division
Calgary (1)- Bob celebrates winning the Cup by partying with his partner-in-crime Jack Daniels. He then spends every night for the rest of the semester drunk on JD and in mini skirts.
Vancouver (4)- The overachieving crew that Chuck used last season has now been replaced by players who can actually skate and shoot. Now that the Canucks have players (and Luongo hasn’t been traded to Philadelphia, yet) they could be a dark horse in the Western Conference.
Edmonton (7)- Sam may call this a rebuilding year, but we here at DCHL.com call this a “we can’t find anyone better to put in this spot” year. Unless Sam has another bukkake incident, the Oil will make the playoffs and possibly upset a team in the first round like last season.
Colorado (10)- Seeing Colorado at the bottom of the standings last year was surprising, but not as surprising as Shaun’s quick turnaround. Some believe he was jipped by not winning the Home Depot Ladder Award for his second half (after he took over the team). They will contend for the playoffs, I guarantee that.
Minnesota (15)- Poor Eric. Bragging about making the playoffs for sixteen straight seasons at the beginning of last year, and it all falls to pieces with terrible trading methods. They had a nice little run at the end of last year, but was false hope.

Pacific Division
Los Angeles (2)- Chris was neck and neck with San Jose for the President’s Trophy all year, until he faltered late. This faltering included three losses to open the playoff series against Calgary before losing game 7 at home. Even though he lost Justin Williams, Chris quickly replaced him with Alexei Kovalev. The future is now for the L.A. Kings.
San Jose (5)- Nate’s away messages must have distracted him from fielding a dominant team. Four key pieces of last year’s team are gone and replaced with no one. Here’s hoping Nate’s girlfriend really loves him, because the Sharks fans sure don’t right now.
Phoenix (9)- Practically begged out of retirement to GM the consensus worst team in the league, NAO has done a super job rebuilding Gretz’s franchise. They could be a sleeper team for a first round upset in the West, if they ever pick up a goalie.
Anaheim (11)- Newcomer Tyler has his work cut out for himself. Opting to go after depth at minimal prices rather than high priced stars could turn out for the better. Or it could be worse. Who knows?
Dallas (14)- After the nameless convicted felon left this team for dead last year, Lance has done everything possible (short of merging with Cleveland or drafting Brian Lawton) to return this team to glory.

For the playoffs...
Western Finals: Vancouver shocks Calgary in six (Revenge from last year)
Eastern Finals: Buffalo beats the Commish's team in seven hard fought games. (Damn you Steve!!)
DCHL Cup: Buffalo earns revenge from last year by beating the Nucks in 5 games

DCHL Predictions:
1. Bob gets drunk again and relives Friesen scoring the OT Cup winner when his team struggles.
2. Buddies Eric & Tim (Minn & Wash) combine for 54 points.
3. All of the Philadelphia area GMs (Phi, TB, Ott, LA, Det, Cbj) make the playoffs.
4. Jaromir Jagr wins his second straight LVP, as a meatball sandwich outscores him.
5. Joe spends more time on his hair than Chris Pronger spends on the ice in a month.
6. Sam puts his bukkake incident of last year behind him as he… well, maybe he doesn’t.
7. Will and Sabersfan duke it out in a dark alley and the loser has Barbie as his team’s wallpaper.
8. Nate’s away messages get gayer and gayer.
9. Sean appears for one random night during the season and acquires Fedorov and Luongo.
10. Cosimo’s Pizza sponsors the first annual DCHL gathering & roller hockey game. (C’mon Mikey, pull some strings!!!)

Ten Predictions for Season X BY KingWilly53
February 8, 2008

1. Our Commissioner will spend all of the DCHL league funds on producing Pirates II: The Bukkake Tsunami
2. The Panthers will not win more than 15 games.
3. Sean offers 5 players to Atlanta and with a thin roster the Isles squeak into the playoffs and destroy ray in the first round.
4. Jagr and Thorton will fight for LVP
5. Tampa Bay sets the tone for their season by going on an 8 game win streak untill its ended by Philly because "the refs were not paid off"
6. A team from the South East will Win the have the best record.
7. DC will be fired by the third sim.
8. DC will be rehired by the next sim...because nobody wanted the rags.
9. Tampa and Jersey meets up in the 4/5 game...Tampa breaks the Devils, literally...Every game seems like a body bag game.
10. The Kings get Destroyed in Four games By the Penguins...I dont believe that cup either but thats what i wanna see

My Life as a Detective by KingWilly53
February 4, 2008

A lot of controversy has been surrounding DCHL this offseason. First and foremost I’m going to uncover why all the illegally recorded game film has been destroyed. You remember the western conference finals…I found out what really happened and how the sharks really lost. Finally I found out what really happened to the New York Rags.
After talking to a few GM’s around the league they thought that the Flames winning the cup was well “rigged”. So being the super sleuth that I am, I decided to find out what really happened. First, I went to the commissioner. I asked him what happened to the tapes and he gave me an answer “Well they are the flames, I thought they deserved to get in a fire.” Then our beloved Commish should me a puck shaped urn with ashes in it. I still didn’t believe that ass clown, so I decided to take my ass to Rhode Island and hunt Bob’s skinny ass down.
After a three day search I found Bob in the corner of Phi-Kappa-Beta-Alpha-Mega Frat house wearing a mini skirt with a bad make-up job and reeking of alcohol and urine I ask him what happened to his illegally recorded game film and he spilled his guts out…then he told me what happened. “The league needed extra VHS videos to tape their favorite porn episodes. All I did was send in a couple of tapes, and they taped over them”. And after Bob threw up a little bit more and got spit on by a hooker he also said the following: “Real Deal's obsession with Hustler's Barely Legal, and million dollar porno "Pirates" was the key to getting him to use the tapes I sent him in order to tape the episodes he missed on PPV.”
Since I was in was there and Bob seemed to be sobering up I asked him what happened in the western conference finals and if he paid the refs off and he said “No way. I tried to bribe the officials before the series, but the guy I sent was killed off by Dan Casey's hit man, former DCHL champion Sean Beasley. My team won fairly whether the league believes it or not.” After that, Bob went on to ranting and raving about how he wanted to make love with a gate…I got the hell out of there. I decided to see Real Deal one more time and lo and behold Pirates is on his 64’in Big Screen at the league headquarters. Now I know what really happened to the tapes…But on to the actual question…What happened in the final and if the refs were paid? ”Well everyone was upset that Nate never responded so the Board of Directors wanted the Sharks to lose,” Said Real Deal “However we did not give any compensation; the bookies paid the Sharks, not us, we just rooted against them.”
One last Question remained, why the Rags suck so badly. Well one would say that its because Jagr took one too many facials and he had to be out for a long period of time, and maybe DC is just a bad GM for trading his good players for lesser guys and hurt guys…But I decided to ask two of his Biggest rivals. For the time being I will keep them anonymous. “The Rangers stink, they always have stunk, and they always will stink; and Jagr's injury could not have been faked, the amount of bukkake from sam... any lesser "man" would hang up the blades.” Said one GM and the other said “Not a chance in hell. Everyone knows Jagr is a pussy who hasn't been the same since he got rid of his mullet. DC should have traded Jagr before he got a facial.”
So now we know the answers to all the tough questions. Real Deal has a love for expensive pornography and that’s where all the League tapes went, we also found out that Bob’s team won “fair” and he likes to dress in drag. Also we know the truth about the Rangers and why they are so bad, too much bukkake and shitty trades.

Stay vertical kiddies-King Will